ACTION

yeah it's been a trippy few weeks or so. my emotions have been soooo up and down lately. it's left me worried because i'm not usually like this. i've been really concerned of late the anxiety, jealousy, insomnia, depression, mood swings which are not typical of what is the chill mellow dino that i and everyone else know and love (or hate). i needed work.

i usually worry about my business and how i'm not making enough money just to live. but my anxiety with health and women reached deep into my being and broke through normally fortified walls which took years in the making. the walls oh how they crumbled. it wasn't very pretty.

REACTION

positive vibrations!

i went to my first hot yoga class last week. i don't know if i would have gone on my own accord but am glad my friend natalia and a few others from the beach encouraged me. it's been awesome. it's only been a few classes but am already feeling the positive effects. having not been surfing regularly since the beginning of the year due to my ailments, i've realized that i've left my body in a sad scary state. i'm finally admit that i ain't getting any younger and my body needs my attention more than ever.

irie to i and health!

i've taken wonderful advice from a nutritionist/surfer chick friend of mine with altering my diet to aid in helping heal my body. it is a radical change from my usual fare but have adapted quite easily. my path to vegetarianism started in january this year and i'm stoked at how i'm starting to feel. with her help, i'm assured a healing path.

blessings and love abound!

i've come to a conclusion that i'm trying way too hard to be in a relationship. i'm letting my loneliness get the best of me. been doing a lot of cocooning in my cave because if it. poor poor me.... fuck that. it's time to live! a message to all my would be female suitors : no more puppydoggin' from me. you'll receive my sincerity, interest and level of attention that you deserve. anything above that will take some work on your part. if you have an genuine interest in wanting to get to know me more, show me! tell me! i promise, if the feeling's mutual, to shower you with aloha and the respect you deserve. any takers? the line starts here.

p.s. omg i've just realized that there are sooooo many pretty girls in hot yoga! and as the weather warms, the beaches will too! two places you'll definitely find me fo sho!

the sun is out. the birds are noisy as fuck. they both said good morning to the rainy night past.

the rainy night past overlooked the ocean, nosy peeking stars from around clouds, the biting crispness of the air, the lovingly made food, delicious wine, the company, such sweet soft company.

rainy night past.... i won't say good morning to you. i'm not ready to just yet.

i'm particularly proud of this. one of many from polaroid art days.

i was interviewed on the beach with a friend by a local news station regarding the big waves expected. my 15 minutes (well 30 seconds) of fame. thought i'd share.

missed traffic school saturday. thought i was 20 min early but was 10 min late. story of my life: 10 min late and a dollar short. my mind was geared and ready until i disappointed myself. i've been doing that a lot lately and my mood took an abrupt 180*

came back home cuz it was sooo early and climbed back into bed. but was encouraged by a friend to make a day of it cuz it was so beautiful out. thank you again my friend for the lift i needed. i love you! i rode my bike with my good friends at the beach and enjoyed the warm so cal sunshine. then... the drinking began. i was supposed to shoot hot models and cars at the hot import nites car show in downtown la that night but decided against it because i met someone. she never left my side all evening. this just might turn out to be something i've been looking for. it was wonderful. we'll have to wait and see.

took this with my camphone on my friend's patio that evening.


it was good seeing my fam at easter dinner (non sleep hangover and all). my nephew and niece are getting so big. missed my kids though. it was the ex's turn to have them this time. it didn't go over well with my heart. i love em so.

my kids and i lookin' g.



it was my first major holiday without eating meat and you know? it wasn't too bad. after the egg hunt, which i scored $1.80 in egg cash, we made paper airplanes and flew them for what seemed like hours.

i came home and climbed into bed of total exhaustion. tried to watch a movie and made it through the opening credits.

after my morning meditation, i reflected. life is not so bad and it's another beautiful beach day out. work is kinda light today and have a few things to take care of at the studio and then i think an afternoon bike ride down to the beach for sunset is in order. maybe i'll ask a special someone to join me. we'll see.

here's to the upside of life!

listening to chopin makes me feel melancholy but it's so beautiful. fuckin traffic school tomorrow. sux bigtime. oh well. found an oasis in long beach today whilst taking a detour around a major accident on pacific coast hwy. it's called the pacific wind sculpture garden. thought i knew long beach well enough but this place slipped thru the cracks. it's an amazing place of sculptures, romantic benches under wisteria, salvia varieties blowing in the wind. the garden teemed of sage flowers and japanese elms and flowering peach trees. will be going back again and again for this is truly a place for quiet contemplation or an intimate conversation with a friend. anyways, here's a polaroid of this gorgeous soft japanese elm.


also found this close by. i wished i had a ball with me.

My friend Natalie and I have occasional Polaroid Art Days when needed to refresh our minds and attitudes. This is a start of a series. More to follow!

i make mistakes. i admit it. and i do my best to apologize, rectify and atone for them. receiving forgiveness is one thing but distrust along with and under the guise of (so called) forgiveness is another (not so good) thing. i feel like a toy that must be kept a secret. so back in the toy box only to be pulled out for amusement on an as needed basis. cause everyone knows toys can't possibly have emotions or feelings, right? wrong, selfishly wrong. but it's cool cuz i'm just talking out of my ass anyway. i apparently am good at it.

THIS CAR!




This was from rap artist Klevah Hustle's shoot I did a coupla weeks back. I'm no rapper and would never own a lambo even if I did have the money. But I sure looked good in front of it, though.

i've been contemplating a lot about the nature of relationships of late. probably because i'm not in one. it's been about a year and a half since my last. not sure but i'm thinking it's time. i'm surrounded by really good friends and love hanging with them but at the end of the night, i'm longing...

so i'm making an effort to just put myself out there. now all i need is a response. so i wait. and wait... and wait.

after discussing this with a good friend of mine, she sends me this and helped me put it all into perspective...




OH THE LONGING! HAHAHAA!

and so i realized that i've been beating myself up over it and search for love should be a fun adventure!

it's time to embark on another adventure! anyone care to join me? lol.

an interesting fellow i met a while back in an all night laundromat which he calls his home. he said it wasn't much but at least his clothes are clean. his name is willie.

just found this in my files from last summer. can never get enough of venice beach.

was a dream. of spontaneity. of nocturnal friends. of laguna half moon. stars. of the street of diamonds. the smell of jasmine. of roads eerily empty. of 3 AM's calmness.

or was it a dream?...

This is where I reside, "LA CAVE" on WONDERLAND AVE. This is my home and my sanctuary. This is also my home studio where I work on my projects from my photography business. It's not much but it's peaceful and relaxing. Thought I'd share this with all.

I LOVE MY CAVE!
( Read more... )

well i've made it through another vday. you know it's funny... i've always hated valentines for the usual capitalist reasons. but looking back, i've always had someone to NOT get cards or flowers for. this is my second year without someone and i'm thinking it wouldn't be so bad to give flowers or love to someone i really cared for on vday. go figure.

yesterday was a good day. i've accomplished much needed chores around my cave that i've been putting off for a while now. at the end of the day, i felt good about myself until i settled in for another quiet saturday night alone.

yep...

valentine's day - mehhhh. i do wish LOVE AND ALOHA to all... without all the greeting card holiday bullshit.

i couldn't have spent a lovelier day yesterday with a dear friend.
we didn't let the gloomy day stop our polaroid art day.

we drove around aimlessly and arrived at each destination as if we had planned it.
truly a day worthy of a bookmark and will not ever forget. i wished it would never end.

thank you.

you know who you are.

i know i can be stronger than these walls that bind
me in my
fears. of wanting, of rejection, of losing, of love
i know i can be stronger and break them
down and yet i
curl up into a little ball,
wallow in the corner and shield
my eyes. my heart.